“In waking a tiger, use a long stick, or at least a 2-pound, 8-ounce cricket bat.” - Mao Zedong. (Cricket bat reference is contested, but preferred by today’s revisionist historians.)
MELBOURNE UNI V RICHMOND
Men’s First XI
Thankfully, all members of the First XI have a cricket bat suitable for stirring a tiger. In fact, they have the have the cricket skills for taming the tiger, too. All of that is lucky, because they’re hosting Richmond in red ball cricket at the Main.
An unchanged side, the First XI will be desperate to get on the winners’ list for the first time this season.
Another thing that has been unchanged through the early part of the season, has been Doug’s general lack of awareness. Now the proud owner of a stash of Victorian kit, Doug has promptly lost all MUCC whites, and has taken to borrowing off his taller and longer-limbed teammates.
As it relates to those very teammates, Mark Stafford has enjoyed a delightful preparation for this fixture, spending Friday afternoon playing Royal Melbourne in the sunshine. Far from a one-off round for the seasoned quickie, Mark is in the process of becoming a member at the famous golf club. Expect him to suddenly make a lot of friends. Does a membership come with 30 extra yards off the tee?
Mark will also yell “TIGER” more than the opposition tomorrow.
Stub Melville has also been cruising around all week, making the most of the insurance claim to secure a Kia hire car. Although I must be too old to understand his description of the vehicle as a “sweet whip,” one can only hope the wicket-keeper produces some sweet whips off the pads. (I’m cool, I promise)*
*I’m really not.
PLAYER TO WATCH: Tom Walker
Fast and from the carpark, Tom Walker has been terrorising his teammates all week, running into the nets from College Crescent. Not only that, he has been doing so with a chopped-up, reverse-swinging pellet. Should the challenge he pose on the weekend be half as tough, expect him to finish with a handsome tally.
Second XI
Bless him, but captain Tim Young has taken to addressing the Second XI in a very English fashion via WhatsApp. Though grating, this practice has produced one memorable acronym; UPTBMU- Up the Bastard Melbourne Uni. Only attributed after a tough win, he decided they earned it last weekend, and the team will no doubt be keen to retain the moniker this weekend.
Speaking of blessed, and the Second XI are just that, as they welcome Janak Prakash to the side for the first time this year. Although his Second XI record is yet to commence (due to a late call up every other time he has been picked), his all-round capabilities, in-depth understanding of waste management, and break dancing could all come in handy at Central Reserve.
Elsewhere, rumour has it the Second XI is considering employing a cobbler. Considering Jezza had a blow out in his batting shoes last week and umpires have shown their preoccupation with Afridi’s choice of footwear, don’t rule out a trip to The Glen for a cobble and a key-cut pre-game.
PLAYER TO WATCH: Om Patel
During the week, the Wizard couldn’t recall if he’d ever played at Central Reserve. Fair to say he would remember if he had, because the ground suits the spinner to an S. Such is Om’s control, guile, nous and other compliments often attributed to spinners, that when offered the usual assistance from the ground and its Springvale surrounds, he’ll pose a real threat.
Third XI
Mercifully there has not been too much rain during the week, meaning the covers at PP3 should have been sufficient to ensure a game of cricket this weekend.
To that end, Stevo’s side welcome a pair of very handy players, Ali Khan and Tharindu Perera set to bolster an already strong team.
As it relates to a strong team, strong man, Rowan Jesper confirmed the pronunciation of his surname in front of the group last night, before declaring “call me what you want, I’ll still nick you off.”
Zing.
Elsewhere, wicket-keeper Eddie Steel has been patiently knocking in a new cricket bat at training over the last fortnight. A show of consideration to his neighbours, it doesn’t belie the fact he is the first batter since 2007 to adopt the practice. Linseed oil is also on sale, Eddie.
PLAYER TO WATCH: Brodie O’Donnell
He bowled beautifully last weekend, and Brodie’s stocks continue to rise. To be very clear, they were already high; he’s a loyal Cats fan and a talented cricketer – a heck of a combo. His skiddy leg-spin is proving a challenge in the nets, and with a bit of assistance more than likely from the Princes Park surface, he could tweak a few past the tigers.
Fourth XI
“I really just want to play a full game and actually get a result” - Toby Rawlings.
After consecutive washouts, Toby’s feelings are emblematic of the entire Fourth XI as they look to get their campaign underway over the next fortnight.
An unbelievably strong side on paper, the Fourth XI welcome Lucien Bienvenu, who will happily take a break from setting world record on LinkedIn games to open the batting. To that end, the Run Machine (that’s Raf Epstein), has also been donning a pair of light blue keeping gloves that will surely throw the Tigers into a spin.
PLAYER TO WATCH: Tom Uhr-Henry
Relentless and oh-so-disciplined, Tom will get batter to Uhr with indecision. His top of off precision, combined with a regularly employed off-cutter will see him challenge the Richmond top order, and potentially run right through them.
Women’s Shield 1
The third weekend of T20 double-headers sees the women’s Shield 1 side travel to Moodemere Oval to take on Monash Uni/ Noble Park. Incidentally, the mood will be high, as Uni has the chance to claim top spot with a strong showing on Sunday.
Dominant against La Trobe Uni last weekend, expect the Students to affirm their place as representatives of the country’s #1 university in the second last week of T20 matchers.
Although no teams have been entered on PlayHQ at the time of writing, the Shield 1 side have already demonstrated their flexibility and versatility in 24/25; capable of spreading the 20-over load amongst nine bowlers. As for the batting, it has been particularly impressive.
PLAYER TO WATCH: Jemma Cox
Jemma was indomitable last weekend, blasting 80 from just 60 balls against La Trobe. Clearly a fan of batting against fellow students, expect her to get amongst the runs once again this weekend.
Women’s Shield 2
It might be a battle for a spot in the top four, but Uni’s opponent this weekend is a tongue-twister in itself. Can OPSFDS Saints really be considered an acronym?
For those playing at home (or just with time to spare), the Students are up against Oak Park St Francis de Sales Saints Cricket Club. As it stands, the phone book is one spot above Uni, so the weekend is a great chance to put their season on hold...
PLAYER TO WATCH: Bentley Butler
Bentley has been Uni’s shining light with the bat thus far in season 24/25. Her tally already in excess of one hundred, she is making an early running for the batting trophy and could further her case with another strong outing this weekend.